Kim Kardashian, Meatloaf
"XXX Hardcore and Candid! The Tape They Tried to Hide!"
Bah.
In case you've been staying at Promises Rehab Resort and Retreat, you may not have heard about this new "celebrity" "sex" tape that Vivid's just released. It features Ray J., the brother of a B-list celebrity recently charged with vehicular manslaughter and Kim Kardashian, one of Paris Hilton's best friends/daughter of one of OJ's lawyers.
With such a pedigreed cast, you just know you're in for some quality smut.
The marketing machine behind this one is almost on a Pirateslike scale: Vivid's owner, Steve Hirsch, has been making the talk-show rounds. Kim's been doing her best to stay in the headlines by making empty lawsuit threats. Ray J. has been boning Whitney Houston.
And much to the chagrin of klansmen everywhere, Vivid actually dubbed the relase of the title KK Day.
While we don't care about the carnal goings-on of hollywood and its desperate inhabitants' transparent efforts at celebrity relevance, we do care about integrity. Or, in this particular instance, the lack thereof.
What Vivid forgot to mention in any of the myriad releases they've been spamming the HW inbox with is that they somehow turned 9 minutes of sub-par sex footage into a 45-minute movie.
"But how is that even possible," you ask. Easy. They looped much of the footage and (much like our mom used to do by adding corn flakes to her meatloaf) added filler like Kim putting on make-up or the now-defunct couple relaxing on the beach.
Porn is supposed to be about fantasy. The only fantasy here is that Vivid thinks that their audience is dumb enough to buy this.
If you're still curious, you can pick up your very own copy here.
However, if you want to see how interracial porn should look, pick up a copy of Van "I black too!" Styles' Take It Black 5.
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