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 While we were watching The Office...er...uh...we mean totally hardcore, ass-gaping, adult erotica last night, that word popped into our head.
And it's a keeper.
We're going to try and work it into non-porn-related conversations. Not that we ever have any of those, mind you. It's all porn all the time in our home, even when we've got the kids for the weekend. Little HustlerWorld Jr. can piledrive a broad like a seasoned pro...and he's only 18 months! Barely out of diapers and already ladies man. If we could cry—Botox gone wrong, don't ask—it would be enough to bring tears of joy to our eyes.
Anywho...back to the word "whoredrobe". The Urban Dictionary defines it as "the clothes that a whore wears out to do what they do best, pick up STDs." This is a little too mean for our highly progressive outlook on life and doesn't really apply to adult entertainment (Editor's Note: Since no one gets STDs in porn). We're changing it to, "the ridiculous clothing that adult directors and producers often ask their performers to wear believing that guys watching at home think full-body stockings and 6-inch heels are somehow sexy."
 Last Friday marked an important milestone here at HustlerWorld. It was our 1.5 year anniversary with Hustler, so our benefits finally kicked in. Other than becoming the proud owners of accidental death and dismemberment insurance, we can now afford to visit a doctor. Huzzah!
We were amazed, but we were able to schedule a doctor's visit on almost no notice. Michael Moore may be making a big stink about privatized health care in his film Sicko, but our experience couldn't have been more pleasant. Dr. Acula was the consummate professional. He may have taken a little more blood than we would have liked, but he's the one with the degree from Transylvania State, not us.
We asked for the works and boy did he deliver: Our blood pressure is perfect, although our cholesterol is a tad on the high side. And the doctor gave us a huge compliment about the quality of our blood: "I've never seen anything like it. Ah ah ah."
Following the jump, take a look what was found in our red sauce (plus a bonus discovery!).
Continue reading "Doctor, Doctor, Gimme the News...I've Got A Bad Case of Everything" »
 Last week, Vivid's release concerning Savanna Sampson's political ideologies got us thinking. What do other members of the adult industry think about the upcoming election? So, we did what any fake journalist would do...we turned to MySpace.
In a grossly informal poll, we asked about 50 members of the industry (directors, reviewers, performers, etc.) their thoughts on the current crop of presidential hopefuls. We received 12 responses and made up one (take a guess which one). While this may seem like a woefully low number, keep in mind that the average voter turnout for presidential primaries is only slightly above 7%. What we're saying is that we totally crushed the mainstream electorate on this one.
Take a look at the responses and why our love for Will Ryder grows stronger and stronger every day...
Continue reading "The President and Porn" »
 "Chris is, simply put, an asshole."
This revelation comes in the first paragraph of Johnny Knoxville's forward to Chris Nieratko's collection of porn reviews/personal stories, Skinema. Calling someone an "asshole" is pretty bold, but Nieratko relishes the label. He is an asshole. In fact, that's pretty much the running theme of the book. Sure, the overconsumption of booze, pills and powders, womanizing and fighting all figure heavily into his story, but the sum total of these parts leaves the reader with one impression: dude's a Grade A douchebag.
Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. For all of Chris's faults—which he'll readily admit are many—his brand of nihilism is pretty fucking funny. We burned through the former Big Brother editor's book in a couple of nights hoping that the next review/story would top the last. For the most part, they always did.
To properly review the work, we figured it only fitting to do so in the same style Chris uses. A style that can best be summarized by Niertko himself:
"Like everything in my life, my writing has always revolved around me, me, me. Reason being: I am infinitely more interesting than nearly any subject matter I've ever covered."
We now present our review of Skinema. We'll be using the first-person, so don't be frightened when you encounter "I" instead of "we".
Continue reading "Skinema by Chris Nieratko" »
Have left us in a state of slight unease. To regain a hold upon our deep and overwhelming masculinity, we must once again turn to the musical stylings of DVDA.
What Makes A Man
Enjoy.
 But we can be rented...
We kid, we kid.
We may work in porn, but that doesn't mean we've lost all sense of ethical direction. That's why we were a little surprised to receive a care package from the hardworking folks over at All Media Play/X-Play. It was thanks for our "stories, reviews and interviews" that have helped make the Britney Rears line one of the most successful in adult entertainment. Awww...you really shouldn't have.
And in case you're wondering what our little gift box contained, there's a rundown...after the jump.
Continue reading "HustlerWorld Cannot Be Bought" »
 This is the real deal. Made in 1986, Fallen Angels is a 90 minute look at the porn industry, helmed by future adult film Hall of Fame director, Gregory Dark. It's a true insiders peek at the good, the bad and the rather obscene of what goes on in the sex machine of Van Nuys California.
Featuring footage of adult superstar Traci Lords accepting her award for porn star of the year and enough dirt, lies and tragedy to make an 'E True Hollywoood Story' look like The Antiques Roadshow. This film truly paints a portrait of a world most people want nothing to do with, but just can't help watching (and that's true -- we love watching porn).
As an added bonus, the DVD includces the equally informative porn documentary 'The Girl Next Door', about Stacy Valentine and her rise to fame in the adult film industry.
This exclusive DVD is finally availabe from the good people at 5 Minutes to Live -- the web's premiere DVD site covering everything from 70's splatter to mod rock flicks. Check 'em out at 5minutestolive.com
This is the spam we were greeted with upon opening our E-mail at 8:45am today:
"She shoves a bat then her fist."
Good morning to you too!
"The thing about this one is that they don't squirt from the pussy. They squirt from the ass." — Thomas Zupko, referring to his soon-to-be-released Ass Squirt.
Brought to you by T-shirt Hell, the makers of instant classics like, "THOUSANDS OF MY POTENTIAL CHILDREN DIED ON YOUR DAUGHTER'S FACE LAST NIGHT" and "I DON'T NEED CONDOMS—THE AIDS WILL KILL THE BABY" and "MARY WAS ONLY A VIRGIN IF YOU DON'T COUNT ANAL", we present one of our favorite t-shirts ever.
Continue reading "Best. T-shirt. Ever." »
This was a highlight from last weekend's Erotica LA convention.
Here we see the Rose sister's signing their little hearts away at the Pink Visual Booth. Mia's the one on the left. Ava's the one on the right. At least, we think so. Anywho, this picture isn't that gripping, but take a look at the little sign hastily created and hung in the background.
A better view is available after the jump. Or, as they say in Mexico, after the hump...
Continue reading "Our Favorite Picture From Erotica LA" »
If you've been reading HustlerWorld for any length of time, you'd know about our crush on the off-the-charts-hotness of Crissy Moran and Angie Savage.
Not only are they insanely pretty, but they're two of the nicest girls in the industry. Case in point: Today, Miss Moran decided to IM us and send some behind-the-scenes snapshots of herself and Angie from when they did a scene together for Girlvana 2. We had actually visited the set for that movie, but missed them performing. That thumping sound you hear is our forehead hitting the desk repeatedly. Looking at these pictures, we definitely missed out.
Since we're the sharing type, we thought we'd pass along a few of the photos for your viewing pleasure.
There's a reason why guys like watching girl-on-girl action. After the jump, find out what that is.
Continue reading "Two Reasons Why We Will Never Get Married" »
We went all Mission Impossible last night and broke into Hustler Video's Top Secret Script Containment Vault®. With the president of the Van Styles Fan and Book Club's help, we made it through the eye and hand scans, over the piranha-filled moat and snuck by our girlfriend's mom1.
Putting ourselves in harm's way was worth it, though. We're one of the first people anywhere to read the script for Aphrodisiac, a new production starring HUSTLER Contract girl, Memphis Monroe.
The script has some pretty lofty aspirations. LOOSELY based on Indiana Jones2, the story involves a quest for what is, basically, a magical piece of tail. We don't want to give too much away, so we'll just offer a few choice lines:
"I prefer it with your clothes on. Something about watching a naked man get beaten to death strikes me as, well, gay."
"I promise you, I am not as careless as my dead brother. My hands won't be melting away."
"Fuck me for as long as you like—in any way you like. I am here for you."
"I want these mothafuckin' snakes off this mothafuckin' plane!"3
"Two naked babes, consumed with a desire to have sex and you and I can't even touch our dicks! If that's not torture, I don't know what is!"
Filming is slated to begin on the feature early next month. Check back often as we'll be keeping you updated about what some are calling Hustler Video's® most ambitious project to date.
1 When did they add her to the payroll?
2 HustlerWorld. Keeping the lawyers away since 2006.
3 Not actually part of the script.
 We stopped by the set of Zero Tolerance's Girlvana 2 yesterday expecting some traditional, girl on girl hardcore action. We didn't know beforehand that we would be in the company of two of the filthiest mouths in the industry: Nikki Nieves and Jenna Pressley. We tried to count how many times the F-bomb was dropped in the two hours were were there. We lost count at around 300. We also tried to keep track of how often they spat upon one another, but again, we failed. A conservative estimate would be between 60 and 70.
It was amazing to see a crew—usually immune to such dirty talk—almost blush when Miss Nieves and Miss Presley would spew forth a torrent of obscenity . Mike Quasar, the film's director, had to turn the camera off at one point and ask the girls to tone it down. A porn director asked his two performers to ease up on the pottymouth...that's saying something.
There's a point in everyone's life when they are absolutely certain they are going to Hell. For us, that point came yesterday.
Following the jump, the highlights of what was said during the day's sojourn.
Continue reading "The Dirtiest Mouths in Porn" »
According to a new study, fertility in males decreases after 40. Damn! We were hoping it would decrease after 25. We don't wanna be no baby's daddy.
The title of this one says it all: STDs Running Rampant In Retirement Community.
One in six British workers admit to being drunk at work. One in one writers of HustlerWorld admit to being drunk right now.
This man is our new hero.
He's at the 40, the 30, the 20, the 10...giant penis!
...and not just an e-mail nuisance that we must continually fight with. But, we're taking the dilemma and making dilemmanade. Here are the funniest subject lines to greet us upon opening our inbox this morning (spelling and puncuation are sure as hell not ours!):
Lessbians play piss game!
Shy shemale blondie shows off
DRUNK BRUNETTE RAPE'D BY SOLDIER alikeness
Drunkk teenns covering each other with hoorse cuum. have
holy Peenis arousee
chance Peniis provvoke
Russiann scenic Lady here doing goluptious blowjoob.
"Goluptious" is actually a word. It means "delicious". We looked it up.
Innocent little girl is being deflorated by two old monsters. loose
Gang*bangging games with drrunk farm_girls. linotypist
relevant biggerr orgaasm
Got a favorite unsolicited email? Drop it in the ol' comments section. You'll be glad that you did.
 We avoid going to movie release parties like Rosie O'Donnell avoids penis. They're usually held in places that serve $26 bottles of Budweiser. The ratio of sweaty dude to porn starlet is roughly 50:1. We get stuck fighting with photographers for position on the red carpet. They disrupt our sleeping patterns. We miss American Idol. We're forced to wear cologne.
Our list of complaints outweighs Star Jones prior to gastric bypass surgery.
That is why it was with great trepidation that we agreed to attend last night's party for "Test Drive", a Teravision production that features Nikki Benz in her first anal scene. Fortunately, the evening was a success. We got in. We took pictures. We got out. If this was a war, we would have stood on an aircraft carrier's flight deck and unfurled a "Mission Accomplished" banner.
Notables in attendance included Tera Patrick and Evan Seinfeld, Leah Luv, Dennis Rodman (?!), Stefani Morgan, Laci Heart, Nautica Thorn and, of course, Miss Benz herself.
After the jump, a triptych featuring Nikki and her "friends".
Continue reading "Nikki Benz's "Test Drive" Release Party" »
 Cinco de Mayo is traditionally a celebration of the margarita and all of its inherent glory.
Many observe the holiday by visiting a Mexican-themed restaurant and drinking enough tequila to make Ignacio Zaragoza ashamed he defeated the French at the Battle of Puebla. Much like St. Patty's Day, the 5th of May tends to bring out amateurs hell-bent on donating their funds at the altar of Cirrhosis, God of liver-destruction.
The past Friday, Motley Cruë front man, Vince Neil offered a different, arguably healthier venue for those looking to part with their cash. More specifically, he played host to the "10th Annual Skylar Neil Golf Tournament and Auction" at the lovely Lost Canyons Gold Club in California's Ventura county.
"Ten years ago, [Vince's] daughter passed away from Leukemia," Christopher Buttner, the tournament's publicist told us, "This tournment has grown out of his involvement in raising money for Cancer, AIDS and Leukemia research."
Continue reading "Here Golfer, Golfer, Golfer" »
Nothing says "Monday morning" quite like an inbox full of offers for "cuute Russiann teeenies". While we appreciate these efforts to separate us from our hard-earned (Editor's note: That's debatable.) money, we really want to take a look at some sort of spammer business plan. We have a feeling it looks something like this:
What other explanation could there be for the following subject lines?:
"well-favored russsian Ladies in poono!"
"Do you like esthetical Bitch doing glorious blowjoob?"
"Just jolly Eighteen suckking Diick!"
"Russsian delectable Womans here doing graceful bllowjob."
"Just better-looking Ladies suckiing Dicck!"
"Plumper masturbating"
"inssane sweeet asssrammed. vindicatress"
"santana avian parsefloat contract gathering an ballot olympics detention bullpen"
We're not even going to attempt to explain this one.
"Young Girls so grand and fair!"
Our visit to yesterday's filming of "The Backwoods of Memphis" has us feeling all macho this morning. We wish there was some way we could accurately describe what we mean. Oh wait…there is…with song!
Take a listen to "Now You're A Man" by DVDA.
It's from Trey Parker and Matt Stone's Mormon-and-porn-centric comedy "Orgazmo" . Oddly enough, "Orgazmo" is the only movie we've ever known to get an NC-17 rating without showing any female nudity.
PS: Those unfamiliar with what DVDA means only need consult Wikipedia to find out.
We came across this article over the weekend. Alex Yawar over at OhmyNews wrote a doomsday piece arguing that pornography is changing the nature of sex for the worse. We usually wouldn't comment on such drivel, but when he wrote that "rape has been normalized" because of pornography, we were compelled to respond. That's a cheap shot that we expect to hear from some undergraduate women's studies major at Smith, not a member of the press or someone with a penis.
We could spend all day pointing out the flaws in Miss Yawar's argument, but we don't have that kind of time—there's too much porn to watch. Lucky for us, she makes five assertions about how porn has changed the nature of sex. Here are their translations:
Continue reading "The End of Sex? HustlerWorld Responds." »
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Whoredrobe
Doctor, Doctor, Gimme the News...I've Got A Bad Case of Everything
The President and Porn
Skinema by Chris Nieratko
Those Last Two Posts...
HustlerWorld Cannot Be Bought
Behind the Scenes of the Porn World - DVD
Batter Up!
Quote of the Day
Best. T-shirt. Ever.
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